Following the announcement of The Stone Rose’s summer concert in Dublin’s Marlay Park, thousands of Irish music lovers are expected to make the token effort of actually listening to the band in preparation for attending the gig later next year.

Tickets went on sale last Friday for the band’s first Irish date since their sold-out Phoenix park gig in 2012. In addition to being a welcome return for the nation’s Stone Rose’s fans, the announcement was also well received by the new generation of Irish gig goers who will be looking forward to a summer’s evening of alfresco binge drinking and drug abuse in the idyllic South Dublin surrounds.

In the past, weekend festivals such as the now defunct Oxegen offered the perfect opportunity to attend a music festival without actually experiencing any music. The vast selection of questionable acts performing, coupled with the perpetually inebriated crowd, meant that an attendee could easily conceal their lack of interest in music throughout the weekend without fear of being discovered.

However, the rise of boutique festivals like Electric Picnic and Body and Soul has been accompanied by an overbearing sense of musical condescension at summer festivals, creating an inhospitable atmosphere for many session-heads.

Indeed, several festival goers had to seek medical attention during this year’s Electric Picnic for the removal of decorative Indian bindis and native-American headdresses from their own anuses during one of the many vinyl-only DJ sets, a worrying side effect of knowing too much about music.
This atmosphere was not conducive to “the sesh”, leaving many non-musical gig attendees distraught.

With the underage success of this year’s Longitude festival however, the forthcoming Stone Rose’s gig is being touted as the bender of 2016.

Record company executives are predicting a surge in illegal downloads of the Fool’s Gold single in the days leading up to the July 9th gig. Other singles like She Bangs The Drum are expected to also receive a slight boost in torrents as some revellers fear they may “have nothing to buzz to” at the end of the night.

Many were delighted to discover that they had actually experienced some of The Stone Rose’s material before, as they had sampled Wretch 32’s critically acclaimed hit in their own material.

Actual album sales for the Mancunians are not expected to change.

Visit to grab some of the remaining tickets, and allow “real” fans to start complaining about the fair-weather followers.

In related news, festival vendors have reportedly increased orders of the hugely popular “blunt” hat following the announcement of the gig.

Written by James Dunne