Sometimes when you have a rough day at work, you just want to get home, switch your brain off, and watch something that will make you laugh. And thankfully we live in a world where we are spoiled for choice when it comes to grade A comedy. However, the genre is also a breeding ground for some really, really, REALLY bad stinkers. Today’s list is just a handful of movies from this decade alone that I have sat stone-faced throughout, and somehow managed to live to see another day. The House (2017) is out this week, which quite frankly looks pretty bad. So it seemed fitting to talk about these bottom-of-the-barrel comedies, and see if most of you agree with today’s selection. An honourable mention goes to Dirty Grandpa (2016), which I really don’t want to see as I don’t want Robert De Niro’s reputation ruined for me (Wasn’t it ruined for all of us years ago? – ed)
10. Dumb and Dumber To (2014)
The original film Dumb and Dumber (1994) is a true comedy classic, so I was pretty heartbroken when I saw this and thought, how is this so bad? I knew it had a lot to live up to but myself and many others were left really disappointed at how bad this was. Retreading a lot of the same jokes and even the new ones weren’t as funny, it just sucks that they never captured the same type of magic. Even though deep down we already knew that.
9. Cop Out (2010)
I love Kevin Smith. Clerks (1994) is one of my favourite movies ever. So when I saw Cop Out with a bunch of friends, you get exactly what it says on the tin. And it actually kind of broke my heart. We all know the production process was not that peaceful as Smith and lead Bruce Willis didn’t exactly get along. But because of that you can feel it in the film itself. It’s like they just didn’t care after a while (which I doubt they did), and just went about, business as usual. Thankfully Smith made a bit of a comeback with Red State (2011), but this one left a bit of a bad mark.
8. Let’s Be Cops (2014)
Can I ask you a question? And be honest with yourself when you think about this. If a film is called Let’s Be Cops, does that already tell you how lazy the film is just by the title alone? I was just baffled at how stupid the entire premise was to begin with, so expectations weren’t exactly high walking in to this. And those expectations were met. It was just… Let’s just move on because this isn’t worth getting annoyed about. Those films come later.
7. Ride Along 2 (2016)
When I tell you that I did not want to see this film, I really didn’t. But I had to go review it, and it was one of the worst cinema experiences of my life. For one, sitting in a cinema alone isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and that alone should tell you what most people thought about this film. Not even seeing the first one (because what’s the point). I can only think of at least one or two moments where I even just grinned. I don’t understand how Kevin Hart is so good at stand-up, but so bad in movies. I just wanted to drown my sorrows in alcohol after this one.
6. Grown Ups (2010)
Another question. Do you ever have those days where you just hate your friends beyond complete belief? They took it upon themselves to actually put this on one day completely ignoring my pleading not to, and it was just soul destroying. Adam Sandler and Kevin James will make a return on this list later (because of course they will), but for now, I actually think I was gritting my teeth at how bad this was. And I called complete bullshit when they started doing some sentimental family shit which just feels like the title of an aforementioned film on today’s list. Pure shite.
5. Vampires Suck (2010)
I remember a time when I first saw Scary Movie (2000) and thinking it was just hilarious. And in some ways it still is today. Then seeing Date Movie (2006) and realizing how bad it was. Then Epic Movie (2007), then Meet the Spartans (2008), then Disaster Movie (2008), and the level of cringe that I reached when watching these movies became so unbearable, I actually felt bad for everyone involved. I don’t think I know anybody who even laughed during these films. And coming into this decade we have Vampires Suck, continuing the trend for the worse. Thankfully the box office figures are helping to kill this franchise, but they keep going, and soon with a Star Wars parody. Just die already.
4. Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015)
For the love of Christ will somebody please explain to me how Kevin James is successful? I’m not even trying to be funny right now I am genuinely asking. He is one of the worst comedy actors I have ever seen. He is ridiculously unfunny, constantly jokes about the fact he is a big guy and a bit goofy, writes himself into roles that are just ridiculous, and clearly just seems to have landed an easy gig being part of the Happy-Madison production company, getting to make easy movies with his friends in locations that look more like a holiday then actual work. As for this film itself, there really was no point for it to even exist to begin with. Enough said.
3. Movie 43 (2013)
Speaking of things that shouldn’t exist, could somebody explain why Movie 43 exists? Remember when I asked if you hated your friends at times? Well let me give you a word of advice. When they see Movie 43 come up and ask if you know about it, don’t say it is voted one of the worst movies of all time, because then for some reason they will watch it. And that is a lesson I learned the hard way as I had to sit through this absolute mess of a film. Seeing actors I genuinely admire and respect put into situations that on the one hand you could say it is funny in the way that these people are in situations so repugnant you cannot believe it. But it is just so massively unfunny you just think to yourself, “is this actually happening?”
2. Jack & Jill (2012)
Surprisingly enough, an Adam Sandler film didn’t get to the top of this list. I could do an entire list on that but we will leave that for another day. This film is close to the top however as it relates to my honourable mention Dirty Grandpa. The film is staggeringly unfunny to begin with, but the fact that Al Pacino is somehow involved just makes me sick to my stomach. It actually kills me that one of the greatest actors of all time is in this abomination doing a musical segment for a Dunkin’ Donuts advert. So I don’t want to repeat the process with Robert De Niro, it would just break my heart. Now that all of the ranting and anger is out of the way I can finally move on to the final entry of today’s list. Actually there may be a tiny bit of ranting left, but it is justifiable.
1. Fred: The Movie (2010)
Jesus, 2010 just started off this decade with some really bad films. Okay first of all I can admit that Fred: The Movie is not a film aimed at someone like me I am well aware of that. I have heard of the guy only because of younger family members playing clips here and there throughout the years on You Tube. However, of all of the films on today’s list, this is one I had to physically leave the room and walk out. I was on my phone as someone else watched it, and the noise was so unbearable I finally understand what it must feel like for people who don’t like heavy metal to listen to the likes of Slipknot or Lamb of God for the first time. Or just for me having to listen to pop music in general. So not only was the film just nowhere near funny, I think I would lose a bet of having to endure sitting through the entire film from start to finish. I know it is a comedy aimed at kids but… Fuck me I worry about the future generations if this is the shit they grew up on. I got a lot of anger and ranting out on today’s list I feel proud. Thanks Fred, you annoyingly unlikable bastard.